‘Sometimes I Think About Dying’ Review: Daisy Ridley Stars in Rachel Lambert’s Movie About Depression and Social Awkwardness
Daisy Ridley in Rachel Lambert’s “Sometimes I Think About Dying”.
There is something truly relatable about the post-pandemic feeling of social awkwardness and overall dullness towards the rest of the world that Rachel Lambert was able to capture with her new film Sometimes I Think About Dying. Perhaps this is just me who feels that way, but, even though the world has returned to normal for the most part, I feel like a piece of the old me was lost in that three-month lockdown, and especially the strange 18 months that followed. There is no mention that this is the root of Fran’s (Daisy Ridley) depression and monotony, but there’s also no doubt in my mind that this is where the inspiration for the filmmakers. (Kevin Armento, Stefanie Abel Horowitz, and Katy Wright-Mead wrote the script.)
If you were to ask Fran, she would say that there is simply nothing interesting about her. She has found her place of comfort in “ghosting through life”, as the press notes described it. She goes to work, enjoys watching her office mates from afar, though never engaging much with them, and goes to bed around 10pm just so she can start all over the next day. During the first two-thirds of the film, it’s hard even to figure out if Daisy Ridley is doing an American accent because her character barely interacts with anyone around her. Her remote town on the Oregon coast is painted with a gray-scale color palette that makes everything around her reinforce that sense of dreariness.
But what was first, the chicken or the egg? Has she found a sense of happiness, or at least comfort, in the routine and flatness of her days, or was she consumed by them to the point where she no longer remembers what truly made her smile? In one case, she has no reason to seek a change, despite what the non-written norms of our society dictate. In the other case, breaking the loop may be what finally allows her to become the person she wants to be. The title itself, and various visions of her dead body in a remote location, a terrifying sign of not being able to contribute anything to the world, indicate to us that it’s probably the latter. The feeling of not being seen is one of many factors that contribute to a growing desire to commit suicide. However, the script is never fully clear if that is what she ultimately wants, and the necessary challenge for her will come soon enough when the light-spirited Robert (Dave Merheje) sees her through the crowd.
Daisy Ridley in Rachel Lambert’s “Sometimes I Think About Dying”.
Interacting with Robert will generate a lot of social anxiety feelings inside Fran. Part of her is saying that she shouldn’t mess this up, while the other half is terrified of opening up, an instantly relatable feeling. But this is something that we as an audience realize after watching her for a long time; what will Robert think when she can barely utter a word? Will he be able to understand that she is going way out of her comfort zone, or will he think that she is just not interested? There are even points where we as an audience, even after being educated on her inner thoughts, start to question whether she actually is interested in him.
Daisy Ridley’s methodical performance comes across as much-ado-about-nothing at first, but as the movie progresses and we start to peel the layers of the Fran onion, we start to notice the nuances of her portrayal, especially as her character is forced to confront herself in situations she never thought she’d see herself not that long ago. It wasn’t hard for me to connect with her in situations where she’s part of a social gathering and can’t quite fit in, where she feels like an outsider who nobody would notice if she suddenly vanished. It’s not just a feeling of representation, but more about accurately capturing what it’s like to be like Fran in those instances that made the movie work for me.
(L-R) Dave Merheje and Daisy Ridley in Rachel Lambert’s “Sometimes I Think About Dying”.
Lambert’s dynamic direction helped the unnecessarily stretched script feel tighter than it is. At the end of the day, it’s not a particularly complex plot, and it could have run thin very fast. But it takes a competent filmmaker to embrace the slowness of the script and make it the pumping heart of the film. We’re captured by the same feeling that Fran feels day after day, and Lambert’s camera work is excellent at making us feel like we’re being her. It’s that sense of respect for the character’s situation that she’s able to convey that helps us relate to Fran; we’re her moral support, even if she doesn’t know we’re there. We’re her guardian angel: as an audience, are there for Fran, pulling for her to make the choices she needs to make but doesn’t necessarily want to, and mourn by her side whenever it doesn’t go the way she intended.
Sometimes I Think About Dying is a beautiful character exploration that sometimes feels like it’s going nowhere, yet it also succeeds at making us understand that for Fran, this is going from 0 to 60 in no time. It’s an intimate portrayal of what it feels like to be outside of the bubble and struggle with (finding a reason for) getting in. I strongly believe there is a lot here for people who may feel like they’re in a similar situation, and it’s coupled with an honest message: There is always a reason to wake up another day.
Sometimes I Think About Dying is slowly rolling out in US theaters.
Miguel Fernández is a Spanish student that has movies as his second passion in life. His favorite movie of all time is The Lord of the Rings, but he is also a huge Star Wars fan. However, fantasy movies are not his only cup of tea, as authors like Scorsese, Fincher, Kubrick or Hitchcock have been an obsession for him since he started to understand the language of filmmaking. He is that guy who will watch a black and white movie, just because it is in black and white.
